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Ahhh...it actually feels nice to have coffee this morning and I even made some piggies in a blanket which turned out pretty good. I haven't drank reg. coffee in about a month or so and for some reason I was in the mood to do so this morning.
So I shall leave you peeps with 2 jokes from hubby.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
11. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
13. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers INERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
A woman was drinking her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her,"
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."
So I shall leave you peeps with 2 jokes from hubby.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
10. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
11. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
13. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers INERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
A woman was drinking her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her,"
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."