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Had my beginning of the yr evaluation done this evening at work that determines our bonus and raise. I'm pretty happy with the outcome of my raise and bonus, I hope bubba is too. And I get to see this on my pay the end of this month. In a way I can sympathize with my super when he expresses his thoughts and views on how they handle the raises and bonuses. We have to fill out these damn forms every Jan and June and in our dept, nothing much changes unless once in a blue moon there is a new program that we use for the printers. In turn, my super has to do his evaluations on us which he says takes about an hr or so for each person (and there are 4 of us). What they do in the higher positions is that they already have the raises planned and this isn't even counting them LOOKING at these damn forms we have to fill out. Each dept has a set amount given and from there they have to figure out how to balance the amount out. My super wasn't to happy about the one raise or bonus that one of the employers got in the print room, I guess he thought that person deserved more than what they have received. Plus he doesn't get to have a say if he agrees or not with the amount they choose for each of us.(which I have a good idea who that person was). Compared to most businesses, I can't complain too much about ours, we get raises and bonuses every yr unless they happen to go under or lose money but I don't see that happening for a very very long time. This is the 1st job I ever had that did that for its employees.
Now onto the funky stuff. Yesterday afternoon I had the most odd and WORSE dream I could imagine for the time being. For some reason, I dreamt about my ex from high school but he was dating a so called friend of mine (who I have NO CLUE who this girl was O__O) and she was so smitten with him. Bill and I were also on speaking terms or at least of what I could stand of being in his presence, his mom (who really wasn't his mom in the dream) spoke to me about him while at their house and he was sleeping *gags* Later I kept telling his gf that he isn't all what he is cracked up to be and told her how he really was (in my dream I said he and I were together for 4 yrs but in real life it was 2 1/2) This also took place close to the area where I live now but other parts took place god knows where. I hate dreams where it feels like you just can not wake up from, I wanted it to stop so bad cause he is the last person who I EVER EVER EVER want to dream about. I think what brought this on was the other day I was looking through my year books and was reading the entries that ppl wrote in mine. Plus I happened to come across my graduating class and saw my ex's pic. *stabs image out of head* In reality, I hope that he's either rotting in a jail cell or living in a gutter as a druggie bum! Its funny how I have more hatred for this guy than anyone I ever dated or has been in my life, the ppl on the web don't quite count but they are on my list of where Bill is placed (the few who I can't stand out there in fandom land) And hate is a pretty harsh word for me so you know its bad when I have ppl down on my hate list.
Later tonight while I was walking through the breakroom/cafeteria, they always have the tv on CNN and Connie Chung's little show thing was on. She had this 5yr old boy who was pretty smart when it came to knowing all the presidents and their backgrounds and whatever kind of political stuff that he thinks he knows. I kinda envied that kid. I'm not saying my parents were bad but I feel as if they didn't educate us kids enough considering that they never finished school and also having to mess with the dairy farm. My older sister I feel is the smartest out of us 3 girls. I envy her too. My middle sis has a knack for math and business, I just don't understand why she's wasting her life away on the job she has now, hell she took a few accounting college classes, she could earn a nice salary by doing that. She just doesn't push herself to go out there and look. Hell move out of PA if thats what it takes! Me, well I have a clue as to what my ability is. I hated math and science and so so when it came to English. I just now wished I paid attention more when it came to verbs, adj, nouns, and all those and the placements for them, I could probably feel better about myself now when I write but sadly, thats not true. The one thing that always drew my interest was History (and not the political mumbo jumbo they fed us during certain History classes/American Gov't). I also wished that in 10th grade I had paid more attention in History class when we were covering the Roman era and such, but during that time, my ex (as stated above in my complaint) was in my class and he had that ability to make me not pay attention, then again I hated the teacher too, that always plays a big role in my learnings.
But as for my parents, I feel as if they have given us kids enough attention when it came to school work or helping your kids learn when they are little, I would probably have felt better about myself then and now. I think thats why certain subjects I either failed in or did poorly in cause my parents had no clue what it was that us kids were being taught. Mom tried but dad was clueless (I guess thats what ya get for being a farmer -__-)
Even with my life now, I do want to try to learn more things or expand my horizons while I'm still young. I just don't know what it is that I want to do. I like art and I like drawing but I can only do it when I feel inspired or in the mood. Perhaps if my skills were better with focusing my mind on one thing at a time before saying "fuck it" and move on to something else, I could accomplish something. I like art and I like history, but where would they get me in life? I also don't mind working on computers but would like to learn more than just the smattering bit of what I do know. I also think it would be neat to learn mechanics too, I envy bubba cause of his skills. I want to learn alot of shit that I feel as if the stuff we were taught in school has no value to me now compared to what kids are taught today. It makes me sick! I have no set goals and its been that way since I graduated HS 8 yrs ago O___O (ACK! I can't believe it'll be that long already!!) I did have a dumb idea while in my Sr yr about working on Indian Reservations and helping what I could with the Native Americans. My english teacher helped me with contacts and set up letters to whoever I had to send out info to. If it weren't for her, I think I would've just said it was a dumb idea to even think I could do such a thing. That was the only goal I had. Some thought my goal was different and hoped I could get somewhere with it and I'm sure that others who I've told probably thought I was a nutcase. One thing though, I dispise our gov't in our past histories and the now, imagine how I felt when I had only one option when I lost my job early '96. Either deal with not getting a paycheck or choosing the military. Very hard times for me. And knowing the job situation in PA during that time, jobs were really scarce, hell even the temp places had NOTHING available at the time and I couldn't get unemployment either.
As a dumbass I gave up my GI bill when in the army since they were taking money out of our pay in order to go towards that for a yr but I phoned the VA a few yrs ago and they said that the gov't will still pay for my education. Sounds fine but with my work hours, it would be hard to do two things at a time and trying to find sleep in there somewhere. Perhaps when we finally move closer, I can look into this again. Besides, I usually don't do much at my job at nights so that would give me time to study or complete assignments for whatever classes I would take. I'm tired of feeling as if brain is just a filler to keep my head from caving in. I feel like a tard sometimes, my brain needs refreshed with knowledge instead of stupid pointless stuff that I have a habit of keeping track of.
Ah well, enough of my pitiful life. I can now amuse myself with the new chapter of Bloodstone that War Dove sent me to look over and perhaps finish my damn smut fic that needs completed.
Now onto the funky stuff. Yesterday afternoon I had the most odd and WORSE dream I could imagine for the time being. For some reason, I dreamt about my ex from high school but he was dating a so called friend of mine (who I have NO CLUE who this girl was O__O) and she was so smitten with him. Bill and I were also on speaking terms or at least of what I could stand of being in his presence, his mom (who really wasn't his mom in the dream) spoke to me about him while at their house and he was sleeping *gags* Later I kept telling his gf that he isn't all what he is cracked up to be and told her how he really was (in my dream I said he and I were together for 4 yrs but in real life it was 2 1/2) This also took place close to the area where I live now but other parts took place god knows where. I hate dreams where it feels like you just can not wake up from, I wanted it to stop so bad cause he is the last person who I EVER EVER EVER want to dream about. I think what brought this on was the other day I was looking through my year books and was reading the entries that ppl wrote in mine. Plus I happened to come across my graduating class and saw my ex's pic. *stabs image out of head* In reality, I hope that he's either rotting in a jail cell or living in a gutter as a druggie bum! Its funny how I have more hatred for this guy than anyone I ever dated or has been in my life, the ppl on the web don't quite count but they are on my list of where Bill is placed (the few who I can't stand out there in fandom land) And hate is a pretty harsh word for me so you know its bad when I have ppl down on my hate list.
Later tonight while I was walking through the breakroom/cafeteria, they always have the tv on CNN and Connie Chung's little show thing was on. She had this 5yr old boy who was pretty smart when it came to knowing all the presidents and their backgrounds and whatever kind of political stuff that he thinks he knows. I kinda envied that kid. I'm not saying my parents were bad but I feel as if they didn't educate us kids enough considering that they never finished school and also having to mess with the dairy farm. My older sister I feel is the smartest out of us 3 girls. I envy her too. My middle sis has a knack for math and business, I just don't understand why she's wasting her life away on the job she has now, hell she took a few accounting college classes, she could earn a nice salary by doing that. She just doesn't push herself to go out there and look. Hell move out of PA if thats what it takes! Me, well I have a clue as to what my ability is. I hated math and science and so so when it came to English. I just now wished I paid attention more when it came to verbs, adj, nouns, and all those and the placements for them, I could probably feel better about myself now when I write but sadly, thats not true. The one thing that always drew my interest was History (and not the political mumbo jumbo they fed us during certain History classes/American Gov't). I also wished that in 10th grade I had paid more attention in History class when we were covering the Roman era and such, but during that time, my ex (as stated above in my complaint) was in my class and he had that ability to make me not pay attention, then again I hated the teacher too, that always plays a big role in my learnings.
But as for my parents, I feel as if they have given us kids enough attention when it came to school work or helping your kids learn when they are little, I would probably have felt better about myself then and now. I think thats why certain subjects I either failed in or did poorly in cause my parents had no clue what it was that us kids were being taught. Mom tried but dad was clueless (I guess thats what ya get for being a farmer -__-)
Even with my life now, I do want to try to learn more things or expand my horizons while I'm still young. I just don't know what it is that I want to do. I like art and I like drawing but I can only do it when I feel inspired or in the mood. Perhaps if my skills were better with focusing my mind on one thing at a time before saying "fuck it" and move on to something else, I could accomplish something. I like art and I like history, but where would they get me in life? I also don't mind working on computers but would like to learn more than just the smattering bit of what I do know. I also think it would be neat to learn mechanics too, I envy bubba cause of his skills. I want to learn alot of shit that I feel as if the stuff we were taught in school has no value to me now compared to what kids are taught today. It makes me sick! I have no set goals and its been that way since I graduated HS 8 yrs ago O___O (ACK! I can't believe it'll be that long already!!) I did have a dumb idea while in my Sr yr about working on Indian Reservations and helping what I could with the Native Americans. My english teacher helped me with contacts and set up letters to whoever I had to send out info to. If it weren't for her, I think I would've just said it was a dumb idea to even think I could do such a thing. That was the only goal I had. Some thought my goal was different and hoped I could get somewhere with it and I'm sure that others who I've told probably thought I was a nutcase. One thing though, I dispise our gov't in our past histories and the now, imagine how I felt when I had only one option when I lost my job early '96. Either deal with not getting a paycheck or choosing the military. Very hard times for me. And knowing the job situation in PA during that time, jobs were really scarce, hell even the temp places had NOTHING available at the time and I couldn't get unemployment either.
As a dumbass I gave up my GI bill when in the army since they were taking money out of our pay in order to go towards that for a yr but I phoned the VA a few yrs ago and they said that the gov't will still pay for my education. Sounds fine but with my work hours, it would be hard to do two things at a time and trying to find sleep in there somewhere. Perhaps when we finally move closer, I can look into this again. Besides, I usually don't do much at my job at nights so that would give me time to study or complete assignments for whatever classes I would take. I'm tired of feeling as if brain is just a filler to keep my head from caving in. I feel like a tard sometimes, my brain needs refreshed with knowledge instead of stupid pointless stuff that I have a habit of keeping track of.
Ah well, enough of my pitiful life. I can now amuse myself with the new chapter of Bloodstone that War Dove sent me to look over and perhaps finish my damn smut fic that needs completed.
