Commiseration 2/?

[beck]

Here be another part to the GW/WK crossover comedy fic. This time, its Black Rose's turn to write.



Still in the BBC Bar:

"I won the coin toss fair and square, Yuy," Ken said to his equally inebriated companion.

"Hn."

"So, what's the plan?"

"I'm thinking."

"I need to talk to her, to spend some time alone together." Ken took another sip of his beer and swallowed the bitter fluid. "Yech. It's warm. Barkeep! My friend and I would like another round."

Heero nodded, keeping his eyes focused on the bar in front of him. Ken could practically see the wheels turning in his new friend's mind. He smirked. "Well?"

Heero looked up and met anxious dark blue eyes. "How much time would you need?"

Ken scowled and picked up the full, cold bottle the bartender just served him. "Unlike you, remember, I don't know if I have a chance. So, I'll need more than an hour with her. This isn't about my..." he blushed again and took a swig of his beer. "Libido," he finished.

Heero arched an eyebrow. "This time."

Ken slammed the bottle onto the table, causing some of the liquid to spill onto the front of his shirt. "One step at a time, Yuy! I have to survive Ran's wrath over talking to her first."

Heero nodded his head slowly. "So, he works in a flower shop during the day, right?"

"Right."

"And where is Aya-chan during this time?"

"She's helping him."

Heero frowned. "They do deliveries?"

"Some."

"Who does the deliveries?"

"They have a delivery driver."

"And if there was no delivery driver?"

"Probably Ran."

"Okay, so we kill the delivery driver and phone in a large order of flowers needing delivery. That gets him out of the shop for...how long?" Heero's brow furrowed as he tried to keep his friend from becoming two blurry shapes instead of one.

"Well, however long it takes him to make the delivery, I guess. The further away the better."

A smirk formed on Heero's face as he felt the urge to laugh. "Will he deliver them in Guam?"

Ken spit up his last swallow of ale onto the bar as his body convulsed in laughter. "I can just imagine....Ran with a plane full of flowers!"

"Hey, hey, maybe we can get Zechs to help him."

"Oh, no, they'd have to change the name if they did that." Tears formed in Ken's eyes as he continued to laugh.

"Change the name?"

"Yeah, instead of the Kitty House it would have to be the Stick Up Their Ass Flower Shop!"

Heero waved his hand in the air as his friend doubled over in laughter. "Wait wait, you mean that the big bad assassin older brother works at a flower shop called the Kitty house?"

Ken stopped his convulsions and looked up, meeting Heero's glazed eyes. "Uh-huh."

The two abruptly erupted into laughter again and rolled off their chairs to the floor.

The next morning....

The two men huddled over a small table in the back, dimly lit corner of the bar.

"We must always know our enemy."

"Not so loud, my head hurts." Ken grabbed his head and then looked down at his cold cup of coffee. "Barkeep! Ow..." He lowered his voice and called out again. "Barkeep, more coffee," he said in a voice just above a whisper.

The bartender rolled his eyes and brought over the pot to refill the china mug. "You should eat something, it will make you feel better."

Ken squinted up at the large man. "I don't think I want to eat again ever."

The bartender laughed. "You two consumed more alcohol last night than I've seen in a looong time. Must be girl trouble."

Ken nodded and then laid his forehead on the table. "That obvious, huh?"

"Yeah, I'll whip you up some breakfast. It's on the house." The bartender made his way back to the bar.

"Nice guy."

"Hn. We have to focus on the mission."

"Right right, know the enemy. What do you need to know?"

"Strengths?"

"His weapon is the Katana. Doesn't seem to care if he loses his own life, which makes him that much more dangerous in a fight. Will kill for revenge, or money...possibly if you look at his sister in the wrong way. I'm not willing to test that theory out, though."

"Weaknesses?"

Ken took a swallow of coffee. "Doesn't have any."

"Every one has their weakness. Think harder."

"Uh, his sister?"

"Another one."

Ken blinked and frowned. "Ooooooh."

"Oh?"

"There's a girl..."

Heero sat up straighter in his chair. "Hn."

"She went to France, though."

Heero's head dropped onto the table. "Is there maybe a girl NOT in France?"

"Nope, just the girl in France. Ran's as cold as they come. She told him that she loved him and he turned her away."

Heero sunk lower in his seat. "Maybe he had good reason."

"What?"

"Well, maybe he was fighting to protect her and couldn't get all mushy before an important battle, did you ever think of that?" Heero scowled. "I mean just because I didn't kiss her doesn't mean I didn't *want* to kiss her...." He took in the strange look Ken was giving him. "Uh, more coffee?"

"You and Ran are two peas in a pod, you know it, Yuy?"

Heero glared at his friend. "Maybe I should be helping him protect his sister from you, then."

Ken shook his head. "You wouldn't. Violation of principle."

"Hn. So, any other weaknesses?"

"I honestly can't think of any. Just his sister and Sakura. Yeah, that's her name."

"The girl in France."

"Yeah, the girl in France."

"Hn."

"I still think you were onto something with the deliveries. I'd just rather not kill the delivery driver." Ken sat back as the bartender placed breakfast in front of them.

"I thought you were an assassin."

"I *was* an assassin. I'd kind of like to have a normal life, now, though." He grimaced as the smell of bacon permeated his senses and twisted his stomach into a bow tie.

"Join the club." Heero eyed his plate and sighed. He picked up a fork and tasted the scrambled eggs.

"So, the deliveries?"

"Any chance Ran would allow Aya-chan to make a flower delivery?"

"No."

"Even to Sakura?"

"In France?" Ken threw Heero a look that clearly said the gundam pilot had lost his mind.

"Maybe she came back."

"She hasn't. She and Aya-chan are friends, she would have said."

"Not actually, but theoretically. We pretend."

"Oooooh. So, we call in a flower delivery to Sakura, and hope he'll let Aya-chan deliver the flowers after we knock out the regular driver?"

"Right. And knowing the two are friends, he won't expect her back for a while." Heero choked on the last bite of eggs and quickly reached for his coffee. Ken noticed his friend looked a little green. 'At least it's not just me,' he thought and made a face at his breakfast.

"Aaaah. But what if he wants to bring them to her?"

"Not a chance."

"How do you know, maybe..."

"Trust me. He'll continue to avoid her."

Ken nodded and picked up his fork, pushing the eggs around on his plate. "This could work. We could practically have the whole day or at least the afternoon."

"I'll keep an eye on the flower shop and be ready in case he gets suspicious or leaves. We'll have to choreograph your movements exactly in order to make certain that I know where you are at all times - in case further decoy measures are needed."

"Okay." He finally lifted the tiniest bite of his breakfast to his lips and with great effort forced himself to eat it. It was bland, with the aftertaste of too much alcohol. Ken groaned and felt just as sick. "So much for making us feel better," he said and tossed the plastic utensil aside.

"This is your opportunity, so don't blow it. We may only get one chance at the target, so make sure it's your best shot. After you've secured Aya-chan's affections, you're on your own with Ran, but tomorrow we tackle Zechs."

Ken looked up from scowling at his food and laughed. "They're right about you, you know. Completely focused on the mission. Man oh man."

He shook his head. "But yeah, tomorrow we'll pull off Operation Swimsuit."

"All right. So, we finish breakfast, then you need to shower and dress nice."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"Do not lose sight of the mission, Ken. Operation Decoy Kitty is simple, and it's in that simplicity that its brilliance lies."

"Right. Unlike that complex fiasco you've got planned to seduce Relena. But I won't lose sight of the mission, I promise."

"Operation Swimsuit is the product of months of..."

"Lonely nights and repressed hormones. But we'll get the Wizard of Oz out of the house. Don't worry about that. You've got to worry about Ran today. And on that note, I say better you than me, and good luck." Ken stood up from the chair.

"Hn." He watched his friend stagger towards the door. "Wait."

"What?"

"Give me your bugnuks."

Ken rolled his eyes. "Again? Man, you need to get your own pair." He tossed the claw-like weapons to his friend.

Heero caught them expertly if not a bit gingerly. He smirked. "I think I will."

Ken grinned. "They're cool, aren't they?"

Heero nodded. "I can't wait to show them to Zechs."

Ken laughed. "Tomorrow my friend, tomorrow."

* * * *

The men met just outside the BBC, dressed and looking better after taking a couple of (*ahem* separate) hot showers (AN: Okay, who let them out THIS time????). Heero nodded at Ken, a grave expression on his face. "All right, you know the plan?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Here, take this." Heero handed his friend the wristcomm device he had stolen from Quatre. "That way we can communicate when it is necessary to the mission."

"Handy."

"Hn."

"So, after we knock out the delivery driver, we contact Duo to place the order, right?"

"Right."

"And he can do a believable woman's voice?"

"It doesn't matter, a man could call in the flower order."

Ken blinked. "Right. Okay. So, that's it, then, we're off?"

Heero nodded. "Let's go."

* * * *

"But Aya, I don't do the flower shop thing any more. The women there are too young. Maybe not for you, though." Yohji smirked at the phone remembering Aya (Ran)'s protested affection for Sakura when she was only sixteen.

"Yohji, my driver called in sick and the woman specifically requested you. It's the only delivery for the day, but I have a lot of orders to fill."

"Oh! Specifically requested me, huh? Was she hot?"

Ran glared at the phone. "Yeah, just your type."

"Well, I didn't have any plans, I suppose it wouldn't hurt anything..."

"Come in the back entrance. Be there in a half hour." There was a click as Ran hung up the phone.

"You're welcome," Yohji said and rolled his eyes. "Maybe she's a redhead. It's been a long time...."



Part 3 later