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Crazy Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loves to charge around the nursing home taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerate her and some of the men actually join in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Crazy Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.
"Stop!", he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "Stop! Have you got proof of insurance? Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Mad Malcolm stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand. "Oh, no" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer test again!"
*snickers*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A Bubba joke sent to me by MY Bubba ^_~ Pretty damn funny too.
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the
masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the
balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
And to end it all with a female joke::
I have long contended there are male jokes, and there are female jokes. And there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it; and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail, probably a martini, with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare, and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."
(There are always conditions) Flabbergasted, the woman asked him what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." (Controlling huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said.......
"Clean my house."
Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerate her and some of the men actually join in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Crazy Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.
"Stop!", he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "Stop! Have you got proof of insurance? Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Mad Malcolm stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand. "Oh, no" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer test again!"
*snickers*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A Bubba joke sent to me by MY Bubba ^_~ Pretty damn funny too.
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the
masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the
balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
And to end it all with a female joke::
I have long contended there are male jokes, and there are female jokes. And there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it; and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail, probably a martini, with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare, and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."
(There are always conditions) Flabbergasted, the woman asked him what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." (Controlling huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said.......
"Clean my house."
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